First post

So today, I'm starting a new blog to help express my feelings. My hope is that this will help me cope with recent events in my life which have left my world turned upside down and full of hurt. Lately I've been trying to get over my ex-girlfriend. Despite all the hurt I've put her through and all the hurt she's put me through, the difference between us is that she got over me and moved on and left me here to pick up the pieces...again.  I've had an amazing support system but I'm still hurting. I just can't seem to get it through my head that this is for the best. She has moved on and has thrown me completely under the bus, having used me only to help make herself feel better while at the same time, giving me hope and desire for a renewed relationship.

Less than a week ago she began posting about this new guy she's been talking to. She began to go from talking to me every day and wanting to text me to me having to initiate the conversation and even then she was really short with me. Then one morning I awoke to her posting on Facebook about this new amazing guy in her life and it bothered me, but not to the extent that it would soon come to. On  the way to work I passed by her house and noticed her car was there, but on second glance I noticed the guy's car was there too. Obviously he had slept at her house that night. This really bugged me and started to dig down deep into my thoughts and anger started to arise. I went to Facebook to try and just get it over with and just add fuel to the flames so it would hurry up and burn and be done with it.

It was then I found out she unfriended me from Facebook. This coming from a woman who said to me a couple nights before that "Maybe we were just meant to be good friends with each other in this life." We told each other we would always love each other no matter what, be it friends or as a couple. No. That was a low blow that felt like the world came crashing down. This girl used me, plain and simple until she found someone who would make her feel better about herself and then disposed of me like I was yesterday's garbage, despite all I did to try and make her happy and do nice things for her.  I immediately, in anger, blocked her from Facebook and sent her a message  that said "Soooo you deleted me from Facebook now? Go fuck yourself. When this ass hat dumps you don't come crying to me because I won't be there this time. Bye." To this day I have not gotten a response, nor do I expect one. I was doing good for the first couple of days with a "Fuck her, I don't need that shit in my life." attitude, but now it's starting to sink in. Fact is, I don't need that in my life. I deserve so much better. I wish I wasn't so affected by my feelings. I wish hurt didn't hit me as hard as it did when other guys can just brush it off as if nothing happened. I wish I was that way in times like this. I wish I could just have feelings bounce off me as if I was wearing a suit of armor to keep it from getting to me. But sadly I'm not built that way. I'm more fragile, I'm more emotional than today's average guy. I am me. I only know how to be me.

Today was an alright day. However closing this evening off I went to the laundry mat in town as I had to get my clothes dry for work tomorrow. This unfortunately is the same laundry mat in which me and Abigail went to when we did wash together. She wasn't there, but it gave me time to think about things and got me feeling down. Then on the way home I passed by her work as it just happens to be close by and low and behold there was her car. But it was passed 9pm so she had to have been out with him. My suspicions were confirmed when I passed the black Mustang on the way back home as it turned into the parking lot. This town is too small for the two of us. Or rather, this town is too small for me. Constant reminders, constant regret, constant depression. I've got to get out of here.